I'd like to apologise for any bad behaviour I may have exhibited in the last few days. I didn't get any more than 3 hours of sleep a night for the last week and I think I went a little crazy. If I offended anyone by my rantings and ravings I sincerely apologise.
I like nice. It's why I read blogs. If everyone turned mean and nasty I wouldn't come here anymore. I just don't want anyone to have to pretend their own opinions don't exist just to make everyone else happy. It stems from my insecurities of constantly letting people treat me like a doormat.
15 years ago I was in a check out line in a grocery store. This woman came up, stood right in front of me and started putting groceries on the conveyor belt. In these situations I never say anything but it always makes me mad and I stew about it for days so at this particular time I decided to be assertive and not let her get away with it. So I very politely said 'Excuse me, I think I was here first'. She turned around and very snappily said 'Well actually I was here first. This is my stuff'. She pointed at some items that were on the end of the belt that I hadn't even noticed. I was absolutely mortified. I embarrassingly apologised and stood there red faced hoping the world would open up and swallow me whole. I have not said a single word to anyone who I think has pushed in front of me since, even those who I know for absolute sure weren't there before me. In 15 years! I know, I'm a total coward.
My sister is worse though. She has way more friends than me. I know this because she is constantly rubbing it in my face as though this little fact somehow makes her better than me. But the reason she has more friends is that she has 'Please walk all over me' tattooed on her forehead (figuratively not literally although sometimes I wonder).
I am a good friend. I will listen to you cry about your latest break up. I will help you move even if its from the middle of nowhere to a 5th floor apartment. I will babysit your kids. I will invite you to all my parties and not ever expect a gift. I will lend you money. I will pick you up when your car has broken down or run out of petrol. I will do all these things for you but if you are never there for me when I need you, I will cut you from my life. I have better things to do than constantly be running around after selfish ungrateful prats who don't appreciate me.
My sister is the exact opposite. Her 'friends' are a bunch of users but she will never stop being friends with these people because she wants (needs!) the friend count on her Face Book page to be a higher number than mine. She has one friend who invites her shopping all the time....but only when she needs to purchase a large item (my sister owns a van and she does not). She has another friend who has moved houses 5 times in the last 2 years. Of course my sister has done all the heavy lifting each time but her friend was unavailable to help her out when she moved last year. She looks after the children of another friend on a regular basis but has never had the favour returned. Another of her friends invites her to all her parties...the ones where you have to buy something that is. Tupperware parties, lingerie parties, kids birthday parties, yes. New Years Eve parties and dinner parties, no.
And how do I know all this? Because everytime I see her she bitches and moans about the latest hurtful thing they've done. I'm not sure if she enjoys being a doormat or if she just likes to whinge. Maybe her need to be surrounded by people is greater than her need for a nice stress free life. Who knows? But these people have been invited over to dinner numerous times. I've never been invited once. She makes time to go out and do things with these people. I've never received an invitation although I've been rejected many times. She'll buy things for their kids, never mine. I think I might have some more cutting to do :)
There have been people in my life and family that acted that way as well. I always tried to get them to see the error of their ways, "hey look they are not good for you." Any thing to get them to see and to change. I've let their stupid decisions bother me so badly that I end up exploding on them and giving myself a nervous break down practically. I let myself get totally stressed out by their issue. Which I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I decided to place boundaries. I let them be in my life, but only if they respect my boundaries. For instance, I don't allow them to call and complain about the people using them, because I let it bother me so much, so you can call, but not to complain. I love you, but I'm tired of the venting. Also, I let them know how I felt that I was second to the other people and I didn't like feeling that way. I had to detach from them to an extent...just so I didn't get so bothered by their drama.
ReplyDeleteSince I've stated my boundaries and all, it's gotten better. They've also realized those people were users. They still might find more losers later to have mooch off of them, but for now it's comfortable again.
Do you think she might be jealous of your family and your ability to tell people to kiss off after they've hurt you? You may be surprised what people admire about us.
I made a new pact with myself this past year (okay, this past week). "I am who I am. No apologies!". I actually said that under my breath to someone the other day when they were making a remark about something I did. Don't know how long I'll stick to it as I am always apologizing about something it seems. I too would rather spend time alone than with someone who always takes but never gives.
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