I found my Style Statement book a couple of days ago. I had purchased the book a couple of months ago after reading about it on a blog (sorry, I can't remember whose). It sounded interesting. I thought it was mainly about discovering your personal style when it comes to clothes and decorating and I felt I needed help in both areas. My decorating style is very eclectic. Not on purpose, I just buy things because I like them then I realise it doesn't go
Photo Source: Amazon
with anything then I get rid of it or it clutters up the house looking stupid. And the less said about my clothing style the better!
So I ordered the book from Amazon. It takes about 3 weeks to get here and when it finally did arrive I was busy doing other things so I put it away without even opening it. So a couple of days ago I found it. Luckily I was cleaning at the time and was looking for an excuse not to be. I sat down and starting answering all the questions.
It's not just about your home and clothes. It's about your whole life and living the way your true self should be living. Let me tell you it was an eye opener and a half! Some of the questions I really got stuck on. I never did answer the question about what I love about myself. But I sat there for hours just writing and writing until I had answered every question from start to finish. I don't think I've ever sat down and thought about what I really wanted. Not what I thought I should want but what I really wanted. And when I was done I realised why I've been so unhappy. The life I really want to live and the life I've been living are exact opposites of each other.
I've spent so long (years and years) trying to be a good mum and trying to do what everyone else thought I should do, I've just let my whole life pass by in a blur. Here are some things I discovered about myself that I didn't even know:
- I really really love spending time at the beach. Being overweight, the beach has been the last place I would want to go but I discovered its very important to me.
- I belong back in my hometown. I don't belong here. There is nothing I like here, I don't like the people around me, I don't like the weather and I just don't feel like I belong.
- I need to be surrounded by books and photos of my kids. At the moment I am preparing the walls for painting so I haven't hung any photos up because I knew that I'd be taking them back down. But they are really important to me.
- I don't have a personal sanctuary and its obviously something I really need to have. There is nowhere I can go to be alone and being alone is something that I need to re-energise myself.
- I have to fix up the house. I've been putting it off for so long due to time and money constraints but I have to make it a number one priority.
- One word that kept coming up was 'comfort'. I need more comfortable things. I need to be surrounded by luxurious textures, nice fragrances, art that makes me feel and music that makes me smile.
- I love and need wide open spaces but most of all I just need some peace!
Now I'm working to incorporate these things into my life. This morning I woke up early, made some ham and cheese croissants and took the kids to the beach. We ate breakfast on the sand, swam in the surf and played frisbee on the beach. I can't remember the last time anything felt so natural.